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Pulpit Puppet


I do not like the way that I have been teaching as of late. Well, at least for the past two days.

And I don't know why: it's not the content or the philosopher--Kant in my philosophy of man class and Heidegger in contemporary philosophy. To be sure, I love these two and they're not new to me. Is that it then?--that it's because I am so passionate about them that I mess it up; like the way I introduce a woman I admire to, say, my family and friends, who may nonetheless not see what I am seeing and also find it all the more absurd to see how "obsessed" I am with her? If teaching is (and will always be) a kind of introduction between students and the matter of thinking, could it be that the teacher's love for, say, a philosopher can hinder or even ruin the introduction--and prevent any genuine familiarity or legitimate understanding between them?

Ah, so that's why I sound like a preacher recently; and that's the last thing I want to be. When I heard myself talk, I heard the voice and tone of a man who sometimes no longer "merely" offered possibilities for students but someone who thinks he already knows what is the right method and path. In other words, I think I am forcing myself for reasons that are beyond me right now.

Maybe I'm trying too hard. There's no longer a chip on my shoulder but why do I still feel that I need to prove myself? Who after all is judge and jury if not me?

Maybe I'm trying too hard. As hard as fighting for an invisible love which only you can see.



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