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You will learn how to lie still.
When the room is still.
Quiet like death.
Like the room in your heart.
Vacated by joy.
Abandoned by God.
Robbed of life.
You will learn how to listen.
When you only hear your mind.
Its taunts and insults.
Its provocations.
Its pity.
It will be tempting to give up:
It is so easy to give up.
There will be no reason not to give up.
To fight and quiet all devils.
They will tempt you. 
You will almost believe them if you listen.
Don't listen to the noonday demons.

You will learn how to see.
Darkness visible.
Through the grey.
Through the eclipse of all celestial lights.
The crepuscular nights.
Of the smiles of the stars.
Of the earth.
No flower shall bloom nor child grow
From now on, nothing will grow because there is no light.
(All life need light. All light give life.)
There will be times when nothing will move
Or quiver or breathe or sigh or dance.
Nothing moves when there is no light. 
No one sees without light.
So you will learn how to see the dark.
The many faces of the dark.
Its own smiles and sighs and explosions.
Its textures, its thickness, its weight.
Darkness has weight but no one wants to carry it.
You will carry its weight as you lie.
It will pound on your chest.
It will embrace you like a lost brother.
It will welcome you because you finally saw it.
Darkness is there but no one wants to see it.
You will see it and it will welcome you
And he will be a brother.
Everyone needs a brother.
Especially at night.
Especially when there are no lights.

You will learn who you are.
Who you will be.
Who you will be and can no longer be.
Can no longer dream to be.
Who you were meant to be.
Who you were condemned to be.
Your destiny.
You will discover what you can do.
What you cannot do.
What you really wanted to do but could not do.
Because your friends did something else.
Your parents thought of something else.
You thought you wanted something else.
There is no something else.
Because you will know.
You will find a fortress.
A mighty fortress.
You will discover you have magical powers.
Powers only we have.
You have to harness those powers.
(Train them, control them, limit them.)
You might frighten others.
Control your powers.
They will tell you who you could be.

You will meet many a Delilah.
Many a Judas.
Seldom a Samaritan.
There will be Samaritans.
You will know who really love you.
Those who love you even if you are difficult to love.
You will be difficult to love.
It can be ugly.
There will be those who would want to leave because they did not ask for difficulty.
Let them leave.
That does not mean they did not love you.
But let them leave because
There will be those who will stay with you because they love you.
Before as now.
Before as tomorrow.
Even if you will change.
You will always change.
We are prone to quickly change.
Even in a day.
Even in a moment I changed. 
See how many times I have changed.
Remember the decisions I made.
Remember the decisions I did not make.
I always changed.
Even in a day.
But some will love you just the same.
Their love will remain.
That will be your home.
You will know where you will go.
You will know where you need to go.
When to leave and when to go.
When to stay. (It might be home.)
Because the whole world will be smaller from now on.
Doors will be fewer and lands will be farther.
But you will know where is your home.
With those who love you.
Those who will never leave you.
Even if you go.
Others will love you.

You will have many questions.
Even sorry complaints.
There will be no answers for a long time.
There might be no answers.
Don't pose questions with no answers.
With no reason or with reasons that you don't understand.
Why this happened to you.
Why you had to suffer.
(Why you.)
Don't ask God why it was you.
Answer him why you'd rather it be you.
Like me I answered.
Like me I questioned him.
But I answered because others loved me
      so I couldn't give up.
      I had to learn to not give up 
      because giving up meant not loving
      those who loved me.
      Those I loved.
I had to learn for those who loved me.
Never for me.
That would not be enough.
That would never be enough.
I learned how to stay alive for those who lifted my body.
Those who saved me.
I only live for those who saved me.


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