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The Espresso






She settled for a corner table in the café with her espresso. After walking and really not finding anything interesting in the plaza, she had decided to waste more time by trying one of those dainty small cups of caffeine she had seen others seem to enjoy. She had always wanted to try an espresso but she didn't know how to drink it or how she would appear to others if she had it. But boredom makes you try anything new. She did not, in fact, like her first sip; she wondered what was so great about that dark bitter shot that you usually have to dilute with water or milk and sweeten by sugar. Why want something so raw? Now she knew. Long days, the same people, the tedious paper work she pretended she attended to with great care and even passion, all the pretty smiles--one cannot but go crazy after a while. We do such work, she thought, because we wouldn't know what to do with our time. Or others had dreams. Or others were practical. She knew that for her it wasn't about the money; she had plenty of that. Neither was success something she aspired to have. What she didn't have was confidence. She didn't know how to respond when she was asked about what she did. What she always wanted to answer was what she did not or could not do. There's also certainty in that. The rest of them, even most, didn't know, she imagined, why they were doing what they were doing. She assured herself that at the very least she knew she didn't know what she was for. She was not meant for greatness or for being loved, or if she was, she knew she would withdraw from both. Actually, the idea revolted her. These scared her not because she would be a failure in both life and love. What she wanted to avoid was being unhappy even when you are supposed to be happy. She stole glances at the few patrons in the café. She wondered what they knew that she didn't.









Comments

  1. "She didn't know how to respond when she was asked about what she did."

    Maybe I went to law school because it's just nice to say that "I'm a lawyer." I wish I have the courage to tell my parents later on that I prefer to do other things, like, I want to put up my own cafe or travel agency! Or be a wedding planner! *sad* But sometimes, it's also about the money; I don't have plenty of that! :)

    I never really like espresso.

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  2. I'm a bit surprised to hear that, that you really want to do other things. Just the same, doing something doesn't mean you have to do that forever. (I know that sounds bad.) Well, I imagine law school to be a really great commitment, that you do not just try it out for kicks. Still, who knows? Or you can be the lawyer who owns a cafe that doesn't serve espressos and plans weddings at night.

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  3. Haha yeah, that's the plan! That would be so cool, noh? When asked about what I do for a living, my kid someday will say that I own a cafe, I plan weddings, and I make sure innocent people don't go to jail! :)

    But do me a favor and make sure your students, who plan to enter law school, think about it 10000000x before they pass that application form, okay? If they want a guide to an informed decision, refer them to me!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll keep that in mind, Tricia! Salamat!

    ReplyDelete

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