Skip to main content

Past Loves as a History of Errors

When you have found stability in a relationship with a woman--which really means having committed to her--your present condition changes the color of your past relationships with other women.

All of them suddenly become mistakes, some happy ones but for the most part unfortunate errors of judgment, either yours or by the past beloved. No matter how in your daydreams you curiously wonder how your life may have fared out if you ended up with someone else; no matter how in your weakest moments you even desire those lost possibilities--your past history of love must for all intents and purposes become a history of errors.

As time reinforces your love for who you are with; as custom and habit gradually plant you to an inert state preventing you from moving back and forth; or more importantly, as you delve deeper into the person--the "real" person who can never be seen from the distance of courtship that separates those who have not committed to each other--as you get to know her more and more, she transforms right before your eyes: from a wild bet into the future or a leap into the unknown, she becomes a certainty, a truth.

From being one of the many, she becomes "the only one." All the rest, those you had desired, those you had perhaps loved even more, they will now pale in comparison to her--and necessarily so. And this not because of petty rationalizations or "hindsight" or absurd self-consolation, as if a person can suddenly turn from being a mistake into correct decision! The one you have committed to becomes perfect for you because you realize she was the only one you fought for and stayed the course with so as to discover more about her through time.

You do not sacrifice your youth and say a little prayer and give a chance for every young love to grow. Or at least, you shouldn't. Do not stake everything for every woman who parades in front of you. Your youth is the only thing which you shall never reclaim (you'll have a lot of time, perhaps too much time, for old age). This is the sticking point: your past loves compared to the one you have committed to were, after all, not worth the risk when the time for a thundering decision came--either love was not there at all, or you had already seen soon enough what will become of your future together, that it will only be the same at best, or it can only go downhill from there. You did not bet on or fight for every woman. But you did for this woman. The truth of love is won in both senses of winning the prize and fighting for victory. 


  1. Very informative, keep posting such good articles, it really helps to know about things.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Fields of Amorsolo

The first National Artist in Philippine history, referred to warmly as the “Grand Old Man of Philippine Art,” Fernando Amorsolo (1892–1972) still stands today as a looming figure in Philippine art responsible for being one of the artists who helped define what we up to now visually imagine as essentially Filipino. The images of rural life, of golden fields below clear blue, blue skies; the smiles of farmers which diminish their weariness as they plant, harvest, and winnow rice;most especially the iconic figure of the Filipina maiden working in the fields—the beloved dalagang bukid--; these, I believe, even after generations of Filipino painters since Amorsolo, have remained in our hearts and memory. Amorsolo did what great masters do for their country: bestow upon it its own icons, represent its native beauty, that is, to give its people and lands an identity and a face. There are, however, as many intentions for art as there are works of art. And these intentions will always remain in…

Without Why (The Rose) II

Lifetime is a child at play; moving pieces in a game.
Kingship belongs to the child.

Heraclitus, Fragment 52

The child at play never asks itself why it plays. The child just plays; and if it could, it will play as long as possible, it will play throughout its life. See its delight and witness its smile.

If it would never go hungry or if the sun would never set it too will never leave its playmates and playthings. Time flies at play because it stops or suspends time. Time -- as we grownups only know too well -- is the culprit for order, schedules and priorities; yet for the child, there is no time, there is only bottomless play. It is we who impose that this or that should be done at this or that time. We stop the absurd and supposedly endless play ("He does nothing but play") because we insist that discipline, order and priorities be instilled in the child at an early age ("He needs to learn other things beside playing"). So that the child will become like us one da…

A Love Sooner than Later

BROWN PENNY William Butler YeatsI whispered, 'I am too young,' And then, 'I am old enough'; Wherefore I threw a penny To find out if I might love. 'Go and love, go and love, young man, If the lady be young and fair.' Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, I am looped in the loops of her hair. O love is the crooked thing, There is nobody wise enough To find out all that is in it, For he would be thinking of love Till the stars had run away And the shadows eaten the moon. Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, One cannot begin it too soon.

One cannot begin to love too soon--conversely, one should not love too late or in life's demise. That waiting for the "right time," or the "right person" to love, what are these but the cries or sighs of an unready, even tired, heart? One becomes ready only when one begins to understand love slowly (or again), and one understands love progressively when one, simply, performs the act of love. Love, like mos…